Lost Time

“Time has been transformed, and we have changed; it has advanced and set us in motion; it has unveiled its face, inspiring us with bewilderment and exhilaration.”                     ~ Kahlil Gibran

The ocean is a healing place for me. It has always consoled and rejuvinated my spirits. When I first arrived in Oregon, one of my favorite places at the coast was a little colony of vintage cabins with fireplaces and coziness. I always tried to book my favorite bungalow and went there often to write, do art and do spiritual work – in essence to create a mini retreat. My parrot and little terrier mix dog, Chimera, always accompanied me.

This place became especially important during a difficult period in my life. I had so much to contemplate about the future and needed to sort out painful and confused feelings.

It was late October and I took off to the coast planning to stay for several days. With journals, knitting, sketch books and critters all packed, I enjoyed the beautiful Fall foliage and crisp air on the drive down. My demons were at bay temporarily.

Once I settled into the familiar cottage #4 and lit the smoky fireplace, I started to relax and absorb the ambiance. I fell deep into my writing, reflecting on my dreams and goals and what life might look like going it alone. I wrote long newsy letters to friends, recorded vociferous dreams and collected agates on the storm-worn beaches. At night I knit shawls for Christmas presents.

The walkway to the beach from the cabin was a magical experience. It was a tangle of vines that formed a tightly woven tunnel through which you descended and were deposited on the other side – right on the sand. I always imagined I was being transformed as I traveled through it.

The day before I left, it looked like some weather might be moving in, so I decided to take my dog for a last romp on the beach. It was about 1:00 and the days were short and the light was changing. We went through the covered archway and walked for a while on the shore – Chimera snapping at the waves as they rushed in. I found a large log that had washed up and sat down to rest with the dog beside me on her leash. I was mesmerized by the beautiful sky – the clouds were turning silver and dark gray and I found myself gazing at them in concert with the rhymic ocean and felt an amazing peace settle in.

I became aware that I was cold and noticed my dog had laid down beside me, still on her leash. I checked my watch and it was 4:30! It felt like no more than a few minutes had passed since I sat down; a surreal trick of consciousness to have lost that time which was confusing and a little scary.

After returning to the cabin, I recorded my experience as it was unlike anything else I had experienced. Within a month, doors opened and my life dramatically changed at every level. I was divorced, moved to another city, got a job and started life anew. And whatever transpired during that lost time, moved me to another place – aligned me with the universe in a way that turned my life in a totally different direction.

* * * * *

And, I still have the agates I collected from that visit and a shawl I knit for my friend while there. She died about three years ago and her daughter found it among her mom’s things and sent it to me as I’d sewn my label onto it. They are reminders of another dimension in time.



Appointments with Destiny…

“Destiny itself is like a wonderful wide tapestry in which every thread is guided by an unspeakable tender hand, placed beside another thread and held and carried by a hundred others.”         ~Rainer Maria Wilke

…an old-fashioned clichéd term, but relevant when applied to experiences that draw you to a person or situation that appears to happen by chance. Have you ever thought about the big or small choices that led to events that altered your life dramatically? What if you had made another choice in the matter? Have you ever made just one small decision that completely transformed an outcome and opened opportunities and circumstances that have amazed and surprised you? And in retrospect been thankful for it?

Big questions, simple answers. You made the choices you did because of something larger than yourself. A nudge from an invisible source – a gut-level response to your intuition, a distraction or change of mind. I’m convinced there are “destinies” for each of us to fulfill, whether they bring us pain – or pleasure.

I have scores of examples of kismet, but will initiate this discussion about how I met my husband. Of course it’s piggy-backed on years of  “set ups,” as is every “appointment,” and the fascination lies in looking back to examine what had to occur in order for this or that outcome.

I crammed my college education into two and a half years, as my then husband had a job transfer to another state and I wanted to graduate from the university I attended vs. transferring and finishing elsewhere. He waited in the parking lot as I took my last final exam, then I joined him and we literally hit the road traveling to our new destination – and life. The company he worked for had re-structured its sales territories two times before which created two false moves for us (they re-purchased the houses we bought each time), but this time was solid and we were headed to our THIRD house in a totally different part of the country. I was elated to be moving to a cooler climate where our lifestyle would be different, as the past few years had been stressful and I hoped it would give a failing marriage a new start and energize it.

After a couple of years, my hope for the relationship did not materialize, but I kept busy and enrolled in creative classes indulging my love of art and writing. I also learned to treasure map (visual goal setting in four areas of life) at church, and read everything I could about dreams (a lifelong passion). I noticed a Fall class in jewelry making (another passion!) was offered at the community college, so I signed up and met a woman there who graduated from the same Mid-west university that my husband had and we struck up a dialogue.

Several weeks into the course, I noticed she physically transformed – she lost weight, dressed differently and was animated with an energy that was not present when I first encountered her. I had to ask – what was she doing to make so many positive changes?

More than happy to share, she invited me to a “guest event” in a large city north of us where I could go and see for myself the source of her transformation. The “human potential movement” was emerging at that time and I decided I wanted to learn more.

We went, I was impressed and inspired enough to sign up for a week of “the training,” hoping to steer my life in a new direction. It started on my husband’s birthday, but things were so strained, I didn’t think it would be an issue – but it was. So, I reluctantly canceled and re-scheduled to attend the next one – a month away at the start of a new year.

The holidays came and went and I prepared for what I sensed would be an amazing life-changing experience. I constructed my treasure map that included a harmonious and perfect relationship with a life partner, since the marriage was almost completely unraveled and dovetailed with this mysterious adventure of self-help. A week before the session, I had this dream:

I was between two monks who escorted me to the edge of a precipice that overlooked “the universe.” I saw people ‘sleeping,’ looking like slivers of clouds layered and stretched into infinity. I turned to each of the monks and asked them what they were – and one answered, “future souls.” One monk was blond, the other a redhead. I didn’t know who they were, but I knew I would leave with just one of them. 

The event/training was held in an old downtown hotel in January – I did not know a living soul in the big city, and the commute each evening from my home was a challenge as it took a good hour and a half each way – and the weather was dicey – rain, sleet and snow. On the first night I was astonished to see the amount of people there! At least 250 gathered in this crowded event hall and the energy was palpable. About mid-evening, we formed a circle within a circle and one moved clockwise, the other counterclockwise when the music played – sort of a musical chairs idea. When the music stopped, we were to engage in a diad with the person who stood in front of us.

I enjoyed the exercise, then the music started again and we re-formed the circles; this time when the music stopped, my future husband stood before me! I recognized him from the dream! He was the blond monk and it truly almost took my breath away, but I couldn’t tell him what had just happened! It was literally as if we recognized each other from another place and time. I somehow got through the diad and moved on to do another round of circles, shaken, transported by the surreal experience – I had just kept an appointment with destiny.

After this, I knew I had to move on with my life, so the marriage was dissolved and I relocated northward to that big city trusting that this was the path for my life. Later, when my not-yet-husband and I were getting to know each other, he shared a page from a notebook he carried with him. Before that training, he had outlined what he was looking for in a parnter which described me perfectly and he even drew a sketch that looked like me! I fit every nuance of what he envisioned on paper! Not only that, but he, too, had been scheduled to attend an earlier training, but couldn’t due to work conflicts and signed up for the January session which was not his first choice. And indeed, as they say, the rest is history after 34 years of marriage to my life partner.

Had all these series of decisions, changes in schedules, maneuvering the chess pieces on the board of life from a cosmic hand not happened, the outcome for my life (and all those in it) would have been completely different – but it was greater than I ever imagined it could be and right for all concerned.

Look back and find that moment, that split second decision that took you to a place you might not have gone or met someone you might not have met. How many appointments with destiny have you had?


The Monument

To pinpoint when I first became aware that my experience of the sentient world included different dimensions of consciousness is not clear, but I gradually pieced together that it was not the same as others’.  A vague collection of feelings, memories and intuitive knowing evolved where I realized that not everyone shared the same level of insight. The mix of childhood imaginary friends, a prolific dream life and a preternatural family history rendered me conscious and I eventually surrendered to the gifts from my psyche.

I came by my love of the esoteric, psychic and unexplained phenomena naturally. My grandparents on both sides and my mother regularly experienced mystical events which I learned about story by story when growing up.

I was barely seven when my grandfather told me the story of what happened to him prior to the U.S. entering World War II. Granted, the world was already in deep conflict and massive unrest and change, but what he experienced in a small town away from the angst of the daily headlines of war was nothing short of miraculous.

It was late Fall and early one morning he decided to go fishing at his favorite spot on the Des Moines River. He said it was foggy and the mist was dense, but with heavy waders and a love of fishing, he headed out despite it.

When he arrived, he prepared his gear and entered the water’s edge. He said clouds of mist hovered over the water as he stood in the silence of the early morning waiting for that strike on his line. He walked a little farther downstream and the fog swirled around him, but noticed it started to lift as the day warmed. He stood and waited, then looked up and saw something emerging from the water downstream. It was a huge pillar rising from the icy depths of the river into a brilliant glowing monument towering over him.

Fearful, he stepped backward to the bank unable to take his eyes off the apparition; he scrambled to scoop up his tackle kit and rushed headlong back to his car with pole and creel in hand. When he arrived at home still shaken, he told his wife, my grandmother, about the incident and she said in her intuitive wisdom that she felt it meant something terrible was going to happen, but that it would eventually be okay as the monument was a comforting image.

Not long after the news of the bombing of Pearl Harbor filled the airwaves; my grandparents’ idyllic lives in a small mid-west town were changed forever. Their sons would enlist in the war and life as they knew it would never be the same. And the monuments of war would be erected inside all nations. My grandfather knew for certain that his vision had been a prelude or warning to the days of turmoil that followed.